A while back I published a post titled Chronic Pain: It's all in the head. Not something we're keen to hear and it may have upset a few people.
Because when we are in pain, it is all consuming. The idea that it is something we can control is a bit (or a lot!) affronting.
Certainly, pain is no laughing matter and we do take it seriously... but recovery is something we can get behind! that's why you need to watch Lorimer Moseley. He holds a PhD in pain management and you can read more about his bio here if it takes your fancy.
The most importantly, in spite of his credentials, he explains the hard and fast research on the origins and workings of pain with much needed levity, AND why you can recover from chronic pain for good!!! YES... YOU MUST WATCH THIS! Enjoy.
Making big positive changes to a well entrenched lifestyle is sometimes tricky, and certainly takes time, often with many, many false starts!
We kick off well, but as time progresses our normal Modus Operandi tends to creep in again and we slowly slip back into old ways.
Sometimes we lose hope that we'll ever be able to change to the extent and in the way we want.
And yet again we regress.
This is why, when helping clients to make sustainable changes to their health and lifestyle, I teach them about my 80/20 rule.
It really is the golden rule to making changes that stick!
The key is to do the desired activity only 80 percent of the time. The other 20 percent, let yourself relax, don't beat yourself up over not having 100% stuck to your resolve.
Yep... I said it... 100% is out... 'near enough IS good enough' is totally IN!
I know... this flies in the face of convention, motivational and inspirational speaking, pep talks and all those well meaning, hardcore boot-camp style programs and tips.
And believe me, doing less than perfect, being less than perfect takes practice! This rule is AWESOME for people who have perfectionist tendencies, and have been raised to believe that you have to do better than your best all the time or you're failing. You'll also be the ones who struggle most with this rule!
We are the ones who work too long, too hard, check details too many times, beat ourselves up when we don't do enough, are not enough, have not enough.
I did this! And at times, still do.
I had big issues with it to start with! But as I went along, I realised that I spend so much of my time beating myself up about 'failing' to make the right changes 100% of the time, that I was making things worse and making it WAY harder to stick to the desired change.
My mindset was terrible! My internal dialog went something like this... "you're not doing it right. You're never going to be able to do this. You stuffed it up again. What makes you think you can do this? You might as well quit now. What's the point, you've failed again." etc.
Now, most people are smart enough to realise this kind of inner dialogue is not only counterproductive, but harmful too!
Let's face it, this kind of self talk was probably a big contributor to why it took me so long to make the Lifestyle improvements I was aiming for.
I find that clients who have a long history of high stress, have perfectionist parents or a critical spouse, or have had high levels of childhood trauma have a lot of this kind of dialogue.
So... the 80/20 rule is a trick that you can apply to your brain to get around your negative self-dialogue (and that of a critical parent/spouse).
When you consciously decide to ONLY do your change 80 percent of the time and give yourself a break the other 20%, suddenly your brain starts noticing that you are achieving your goal... the diminishing self talk starts to ease.
You'll also notice it is EASIER to get some traction on those habits you're wanting to break.
If you try the 80/20 rule and you're still not sticking to your plan for lifestyle change, it is likely you have some unconscious, deep, core belief systems that are sabotaging your efforts and on some level part of you is attached to you stay in your old ways.
If this happens, you could try a 50/50, or 70/30 rule until the changes become easy and then work your way up to 80/20 (which eventually creates lasting change). The Caveat... This might work for some people, but in my experience there is not enough of a shift into the new lifestyle to see any real improvements, and the defeatist self talk can kick in again.
80/20 really is the Golden Rule.
If you know you want the change and are really frustrated with not being able to even do 80/20, you might also like to consider working with a practitioner to find the cause of the difficulties you have making change, and pull them out by the roots! It's likely you have a very ingrained energy pattern that needs an external person to see and manoeuvre around so that you can reprogram your mindset.
So... here's an example.
I want to cut out grains from my diet
80% of the week I will not eat food with grains... that means 5 out of 7 days I have grain free meals
80% of each day, I will not eat grains and 20% of the time I allow myself a grain food.
You decide. Part of the beauty of this rule is that you get to decide the best way to apply the 80/20 rule.
I want to change my negative programming and develop a more positive mindset
80% of the time, I change my sentence out loud if I catch myself staying something negative, and I turn it around.
20% of the time I know that I am doing my best, and sometimes it is good to 'get it out of my system' and talk about what is getting me down.
You see?! It's easy if you go easy!
Self punishment must be OUT if we're going to sustain our changes
What are your thoughts on the 80/20 rule? Have you tried to make changes and 'failed'? Do you get help for making changes stick or try to go it alone? Please feel free to comment below or click share and contribute to the conversation on facebook :)
Generalised and unrelieved pain is something I battled with for years without any support from General Practitioners. They all said there was nothing wrong with me. Nothing showed up in their multitude of tests. You can't expect to pump a person full of medication and expect everything to be okay - you have to get to the root cause, and you have to have a proper diagnosis.
It's one of the reasons I started My Holistic Nurse. I was sick of being treated like an idiot, or worse, invisible or crazy. I was also VERY sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and I knew I needed to find a way to feel better and reduce my pain and fatigue from a 8/10 every day, There was no one to help me with it. I had to do the research and figure it out alone.
Now my generalised pain and fatigue is gone and I am blessed with the opportunity to share what I know and help others on their journey back to health! It's why I'm so excited about the Fibro Fix Summit. You don't have to spend all those years trying to work out how to get well. The summit will discuss why proper diagnosis and treatment of fibromyalgia (FM), as well as other fatigue- and pain-related disorders, is a neglected and poorly understood niche in medicine. These experts will discuss FM and the many disorders improperly labeled as FM, to provide real action steps and solutions - many of them will surprise you and many of them we advocate and specialise in at My Holistic Nurse.
Your host, Dr. David M. Brady, is an internationally recognized expert in fibromyalgia and a staunch patient advocate for those who have been struggling because of a medical system that is ill-equipped to deal with the problem. Join him and 30+ experts for this iconic event that could change your health and your life!
You can click here to register for the event FREE now. The Fibro Fix Summit is online and free from June 20-27, 2016!
Or if you'd like to own all of the expert talks to watch at your own pace click here.
I would encourage all MHN followers and people with undiagnosed problems such as:
Registration is open now... I've already booked myself in and will be listening to as many talks as possible for FREE. Here's the link again.
If you don't want to miss any of it, you can own all of the expert talks to watch at your own pace by clicking here now.
I’ll see you at the summit!
By Kristy L Rackham, RN
As a child our Right Brain is the first to develop.
Well, without the conceptual, spatial function of Right Brain, we are unable to develop emotional intelligence which is defined as the ability to self regulate our emotional response to life.
Research has found that children whose Right Brain is inhibited during the first 7 years of years of life due to stress, trauma or lack of attachment to a parental figure, struggle to develop the personal qualities and abilities that enable them to bounce back from difficult life circumstances and traumas.
These kids grow to be heavily Left Brain thinkers, relying on a very literal approach to life. If only life were a series of linear, sequential events that moved in an orderly fashion – we may be better at handling life’s curve balls!
Fast Forward to Adulthood...
Without a capacity for effective Right Brain function, we struggle to bounce back from life’s challenges in a healthy and effective way. If our Right Brain is not in harmony with the Left, we can place unreasonable expectations on our life’s events - if A happens, then B will be the result. The trouble is that life doesn’t work this way!
When life does not flow in this sequential cause and effect manner - when no matter how hard we force life to fit inside the boxed thinking of expectations – disappointment and stress is sure to result. This combo can lead to an emotional tsunami that can devastate even the most intelligent Left Brained thinker!
Without a harmonised left/right brain function, we can find ourselves struggling with overwhelm, anxiety, pain, relationship breakdowns, illness, fear and frustration that seem insurmountable. Life can get the better of us and we get stuck in a downward spiral over the slightest upset to our ‘expected outcome’, unable to lift ourselves out and up to a greater life.
Outside the Square Thinking Leads To Resilience
It is the Right Brain that enables us to ‘think outside the square’ and allow for other possibilities. Our Right Brain enables us to see the shapes, colours and light that is available to us if we can recognise it! It’s strength becomes our capacity for resilience when things in life do not go our way.
The trouble is, the majority of society is built upon a preference and celebration of ‘Left Brain thinking’.
If we can access and develop our Right Brain more frequently, creating greater harmony between left and right brain hemispheres, we are far more able to manage our emotional self and effectively adapt to our changing circumstances with grace and ease.
Our ability to pick our selves up, dust ourselves off and keep on moving in a positive direction is enhanced – this is called Resilience.
I recently attended a global conference that explained the importance of our brain’s ability to utilise the Right Brain and how to develop emotional intelligence in children, to create healthy, resilient adults.
Brain Plasticity can Heal
Researches have now found that both children AND adult brains are ‘plastic’. This means that no matter how suppressed our right brain development as toddlers, we have the DIRECT power to CHANGE OUR BRAIN! What an amazing bonus… and a huge relief!
Even if we find life is a constant battle due to excessive Left Brain concepts and minimal Right Brain activity, and we find it hard to drag ourselves out of bed day in and day out when life is challenging, we can alter the neural pathways that inhibit resilience well into adulthood.
This means that even as adults, we have the capacity to further ‘grow’ our right brain and develop the ability to bounce back to a positive state and wonderful life no matter what!
Mind-Science is the Answer to Greater Resilience
How? I knew you’d ask that!
Using mind-sciences such as Meditation, Mindfulness, EFT Tapping and Matrix Reimprinting, we can modify our neural pathways and become more resilient, reduce stress and overcome trauma.
By clearing traumas from the human neurology and energy fields, and with implementation of new lifestyle habits that support our emotional state, we can build neural highways to our Right Brain which promotes a ‘feel good’ ability and capacity for resilience when circumstances are tough! When we struggle to adapt to life’s challenges, it’s a good indication that we are utilising our linear Left Brain rather than our creative and adaptive Right Brain.
Parental Habits Create Resilient Kids
When we implement a new habit within the family that supports Right Brain development, we are engaging with our kids in an emotionally positive way. This creates a neural pathway for our children that directly helps them to access resilience as they grow older.
So, let’s do a quick personal audit of your capacity to bounce back…
If answering no to any of these, I’d encourage you to adopt a new habit that instils a sense of connectedness to your innerself and your family, one that creates ‘feel good’ feelings, and do it at the same time each week or month.
Help For Families
My Holistic Nurse can work with you to develop a customised lifestyle program for greater resilience. We can also help you to help your children. EFT Tapping can be learned by very young children and Matrix Reimprinting works for kids over the age of 10. Alternatively, surrogacy treatment sessions through you are very effective for kids who are struggling with stress and/or trauma and are not able to attend in person..
To find out how we can help your family, book in for a free 1/2 hour consultation. Call 0487 769 629